…I am so tired. And this is not connected to the amount of sleep in the night (OK if you would ask me in the morning I have to admit in this case it time to time can be the reason and origin but that is another question…) but … well I honestly do not know. That is what I am thinking about the whole day today while working on html codes. Next to eating Pralines (thanks M.!), drinking coffee (thanks, coffee-machine guy) and cigarettes (thanks R-Kiosk lady) – told ya i have a great workplace – of course.
But really. I think it is because of all the things in my head. All this projects and ideas and things to learn… but then again, I made it through university also without that feeling. Is it kind of an early midlife crisis? True, too early, but then again I feel for a long time that I have to make the step to decide on certain things. Too long I am just hanging around in front of the crossroad and wait until someone is pushing me into a certain direction – and as long as this does not happen I keep standing and thinking. Well… thinking… I mean I try to think and I try to think like a chess player: if I do this what will happen and what will I do then? The problem is: there are so many opportunities and variations, so many possibilities and so many threats… I am scared to make the wrong decision. As different to a chess game, the decision you make in your life is not so easy to change again. And you cannot just resign and start a new life. So I am strolling around, looking for the philosophers stone on the pavement and wait until someone is pushing me further on my life path.
I am not whining before someone starts like that. It might be that it sounds like that but I am really not into pity. I just express my feelings, my thoughts and my worries. Hope that is ok for all of you. Until then I keep walking through the town and make some pictures.